Senilitis
by deathNspikes
Summary: Prussia has an awesome prank idea which ends up turning the nations into seniors. And we're not talking about the high school kind here
1. I Came for the Free Food, I Swear

Hello to all my lovely readers. So this is my first ever story I'm posting so go easy on me guys. Anyways, enjoy

* * *

Gilbert could hardly contain himself. He was bouncing in the front seat of the car next to where his brother was driving. Ludwig rolled his eyes as he pulled into the parking lot of where the meeting was to start in approximately half an hour. As soon as they were in the parking lot Gilbert threw himself towards the window once again and looked eagerly out of it, sticking his head out and grinning widely. He seemed to be enjoying this experience even more than your average dog. Ludwig swore if the door wasn't there to hold his brother in the vehicle he would have lost him a long time ago somewhere on the road.

"_Bruder_, are you sure you're ok?" Ludwig asked for what must have been the 10th time since they got in the car, as he was starting to fear for his older brothers' mental state.

"_Ja, __ja_, I'm great. Awesome in fact. Like always"

"Then can you sit still for the next five seconds and listen to me" Ludwig said as he parked the car.

Gilbert turned to Ludwig with his wide grin still there. "Yes Luddy?" he asked innocently.

"Look, I don't know why you wanted to come so bad today but I'm warning you know don't you dare be pulling one of your elaborate schemes again. We've got a lot of important material to cover so busy yourself with updating your blog and eating all the free snacks in the café as always"

"Yes sir" Gilbert saluted.

Ludwig sighed.

"You can go now." Gilbert dropped his salute, opened the door and slammed it violently, causing the car to shake. As Gilbert shot out of the car he ran towards the building and crashed into the door. After getting himself unstuck from the revolving door he ran towards the elevator eagerly and waited for it to come.

xxxxXXXxxxx

As soon as he arrived on the floor the meeting was to take place he checked to see no one was around before entering the room. He figured he had about 10 minutes before Ludwig showed up, as he always stopped to greet everyone downstairs and then take the remaining time in the bathroom to straighten his suit, tie, hair and glasses. Everybody else wouldn't be here for at least 20, being more or less normal people. Gilbert thanked his brother for being abnormally obsessed with arriving early as this gave him the perfect time to carry out his plan.

He popped open the cork top from the small vial he had hidden in his pants pocket. As he popped the vial open it gave out a small hiss and a puff out bluish air escaped from it. He decided to smell it out of curiosity. That decision he soon regretted. It smelled like Bengay, prunes, mothballs and talcum powder. As he gagged and tried not to throw up he ran towards the window to open it and stick his head out of it. He breathed the fresh air in in relief.

"_Scheiße_, what's in that? Well at least I know I grabbed the right one" Gilbert said as he walked away from the window.

xxxxXXXxxxx

"Hee,hee. Who should I pick?" He laughed as he glanced down at the glasses of water set out in front of him.

"_Bruder_ is an obvious choice. With him being all old he'll finally give me a chance to sleep in. Plus old people are always tired anyways so they need plenty of rest so that should take care of old Luddy staying out of my business during the day while taking naps"

"America is a good choice too. He's too hyper. Being old would calm him down a bit too and shut him up during the meetings. His constant talking is always interfering and interrupting my awesome thoughts"

"But who else? Hmm…" Gilbert pondered and drummed with his hands on the table.

"Eh, forget it. All this thinking is giving the awesome me a headache. I'll just drop this stuff into five random glasses and see who ends up drinking it"

As he dropped the blue liquid from the vial into the five glasses of water he shuffled them around with the ones containing regular water and set one at each seat around the meeting table. He put the vial with a small bit of remaining liquid back into his pocket. As soon as he was done Gilbert stepped back to admire his work.

"He, he. This is my awesome idea yet" he said as he patted Gilbird and then himself on the shoulder.

"Now to make sure everybody actually does get thirsty and drink their water…" he walked over to the thermometer and reset it from the current 70 degrees to a toasty 86 degrees " … there. No one will be able to take this heat without a drink"

Just as he finished messing with thermometer Ludwig walked in and put his briefcase down on the table. Gilbert quickly spun around.

"Hey _bruder_. How's it going? You know your hair looks extra smooth today" he said glancing up at Ludwig's head and trying to distract him with a compliment.

"Uh, _danke_ Gilbert." He said as he reached up to touch his slicked back blond hair. "Wait, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay out of here today!"

"I was just helping out. See? I set up water for everybody and even opened the window so there's fresh air. Fresh air helps you think you know" he said tapping his skull. "Anyways_, Auf Wiedersehen_, I'm going outside to enjoy my fresh air to get ideas for my blog." He turned and sprinted down the hall before Ludwig could question him further.

Ludwig was just about to yell for Gilbert to come back as Feliciano walked in.

"Ah, Germany! I missed you so much!" He said as he jumped on him and pulled him into a hug, knocking them both of balance and sending them crashing down to the floor. Normally Ludwig wouldn't have fallen but he was distracted with his brothers' stranger than usual behavior he hadn't noticed the small energetic Italian come in. Even though they were now on the floor Feliciano continued to have Ludwig in a vice grip hug as he rolled on the ground with him.

"Ah, ah, ow!" Ludwig yelled as his limbs hit the chair legs.

"Ah, Italy, get off of me!" he finally said as they both sat up and emerged from behind the table.

"Ohonhonhon" Francis laughed as he walked in with Arthur next. "I could have waited outside if I knew you two were busy" he said with a sly grin.

Ludwig just growled under his breath as they both rose, with Feliciano attached to Ludwig's leg.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Soon everyone else arrived and the room turned into more chaos as usual. While everyone was yelling and trying threating to kill each other Gilbert lurked around the corner.

"Perfect. Looks like everybody came today. Let's see how my awesome plan goes Gilbird, hee, hee" Gilbert laughed as he went back to the café. After all that's where all the snacks were.

xxxxXXXxxxx

As Alfred was talking about pipes with oil running from Canada to the U.S. Ludwig couldn't help but unbutton his jacket and loosen his tie a bit. It was unusually warm for March today, and the open window wasn't doing much. He grabbed for his water and immediately drank half the glass. Looking around the room he noticed everyone else looked hot too. Francis went as far as taking off his jacket, tie, and unbuttoning half of his dress shirt and was lounging back. Even gentlemanly Arthur pulled out his handkerchief and was mopping his eyebrows with it.

Suddenly Alfred stopped talking. "Sorry dudes, I gotta take a break for a sec. I'm so hot" he said as he took of his trademark bomber jacket.

"Yes, it is unusually warm today." Ludwig said agreeing. "Let's take a quick 10 minute break." Alfred immediately plopped back into his seat he grabbed his glass of water and chugged the whole thing.

Gilbert then decided to walk in. "Hey everybody!" he called out throwing the door open. "How's your unawesome meeting going!?"

"It's really hot dude." Alfred said fanning himself with his speech papers. "I think I need more water." Gilbert grinned in approval at this.

"Ah, yes, yes, please have another glass of water. I noticed it to be real hot in here when I walked in. And not just because you all got blessed with my awesome body and presence." He held up another glass of water to Alfred. "Don't want to get dehydrated now. That's unawesome"

"Thanks Prussia." He said as he started to drink his second glass. Everybody else followed and raised their glasses to drink the cool water in hopes of being less hot for a moment. Minutes later everybody had drank their water.

"Germany, I feel funny" Feliciano said holding his stomach.

"Yeah, feel kinda funny myself" Alfred said as his hands wandered to his stomach too.

"As do I" Arthur said.

"Me too" came a small voice from somewhere in the room.

"Well, if all of you feel sick then get out of…" Ludwig was cut off as a funny feeling hit his stomach as well. Suddenly he put two and two together. Gilbert. Wanting to really be here and all excited, then setting up the water, and now coming in and encouraging everyone to drink.

"Prussia! What the hell did you do to the water!?" Ludwig demanded, leaping out of his chair and slamming his hands down on the table.

Gilbert's ruby eyes went wide at this. "Me? Why, I did nothing to it except give a glass of it to everybody because of my awesome kindness."

"_Verdammt_ Prussia! I swear when I find out what you did I will personally-" that's as far as Ludwig got before he fell back into his chair and passed out.

Within seconds along with Ludwig Alfred, Arthur, Feliciano, and Matthew all passed out in their chairs as well. Gilbert glanced around the room to see how the remaining nations were reacting to this. For the most part they sat silently in their seats and were staring at the limp bodies of the five.

Ivan broke the silence and laughed. "So now that there are less of the remaining all will become one with me? What a wonderful plan Prussia."

"No Russia. I didn't get rid of anyone. They'll all wake up soon. I think. Meanwhile I got an awesome plan." Gilbert grinned devilishly and reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black marker and walked over to Ludwig. He grabbed his brothers' head and turned it towards him.

"You know Luddy, I always thought you'd look pretty awesome with a mustache" he said as he popped off the cap with his teeth and spit it out. "Now you will" he added as he proceeded to beautify Ludwig.

"Prussia?" Francis asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I have a marker too? For _Angleterre_?"

He grinned and tossed his friend a marker too.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Translations

Everyone probably already knows these but I'll put them here anyways since I hate looking them up when I forget a word.

_Bruder_: brother

_Ja_: yes

_Scheiße_: shit

_Danke_: thank you

_Auf Wiedersehen_: good bye

_Verdammt_: damn it

_Angleterre_: England

Well, thanks for reading my first ever story. Hope you liked it. Feel free to review and all that other fun stuff


	2. Awakening of the Elders

Hello again to all my lovely readers. Thanks to all who read, reviewed, and followed. Onwards to the next chapter. Hope ya like it!

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Gilbert was sitting on Ludwig's lap and leaning over Ludwig all while studying him intensely with squinted eyes. It had been approximately 20 minutes since everybody had passed out and now Gilbert noticed that his victims were staring to come around.

"_Bruder_, oh little _bruder_" he sang out. "Time to wake up." He snapped his fingers in his ear and frowned. "Well, I understand you may be a little deaf due to your age" he said and frowned a bit again. "Oh, I got it!" he said and leapt out of Ludwig's lap.

"Francis! Do we still have the vuvuzelas?"

"_Oui_, I believe we do." He walked over to the cabinets and pulled out some random junk their instrument section. "Ah, here we are" he said as he pulled out 3 vuvuzelas, leftover from yet another infamous trio prank. "I also found a tambourine and a drum, bongos, and cymbals"

"Awesome! Francey, grab a vuvuzela for yourself and give one to me and Toni" directed Gilbert. "Also I want the snare drum. Its awesomeness can only be achieved when used by someone as awesome as me. You guys can split the rest however you want" he said waving at the instruments while pouncing greedily for the snare drum.

"Anyone else want to join us?" he asked the remaining nations, which consisted of a silent Kiku and Yao, a pissed Lovino, and a smiling Ivan.

"No thank you. I will not be joining your idiocity you potato bastard." Lovino said waving his hand dismissively.

"Aw, come on Lovi." Antonio said as he walked over to him and rubbed his shoulders. "You can bang the cymbals. They'll be good for releasing your emotions" He had decided he needed to find a new way for Lovino to deal with his emotions. Swearing wasn't going to cut it.

"I said leave me alone you fucking freaks" he snapped, releasing his emotions while re-crossing his arms.

Gilbert caught Ivan eyeing the cymbals. "Russia, if you want to join the awesome us in the awesome plan of awaking the elders you can as long as you promise not to eat the instruments"

"Thank you Prussia, but I prefer to watch" Ivan politely declined.

"How about you two?" he said, pointing his drumstick towards the two Asian nations.

"We will pass as well" said Kiku. "I do not wish to frighten them." Yao nodded as well. He didn't feel like participating in a weird scheme. He was getting too old for that.

"Really? No one wants to join our awesome band?" He glanced around the room for any takers who might have changed their mind.

"Ah, ok, ok, fine. I'll do it!" said Lovino. "Just give me the damn cymbals." He would never admit it but they were starting to look like a lot of fun. Plus he'd get to annoy the main potato bastard and that pissy eyebrow bastard. He couldn't help but grin a little as he grabbed the cymbals.

"That's the spirit Lovi!" Antonio encouraged.

"Watch it you tomato bastard, or your head will be between these cymbals in a second" Lovino threatened Antonio.

The trio plus Lovino jumped up on the round meeting table.

"Ready, a, 1, 2, 3 go!" Gilbert directed.

The bands' music broke the air. Vuvuzelas were blasting their sounds that only the devil himself could have only come up with, along with Gilbert beating his snare drum so hard with his drumstick it might pop at any moment, Francis doing a provocative little dance and sexily banging the tambourine against his hips, Antonio shaking his sweet ass to the beat of the bongos, and Lovino crashing the cymbals together for all their worth. He probably was imagining Ludwig's head there though, not Antonio's.

"_Mein Gott_! What the hell is going on here?!" Ludwig yelled as he woke up and saw what was happening in front of him.

"Kesesesese! I thought you'd never wake up West" Gilbert laughed as he leapt from the table and over to Ludwig and blasted the vuvuzela in his ear. Ludwig then seized the instrument and threatened to shove it up Gilbert's ass. In response Gilbert snatched it back, gave it one final blow, threw it at his brothers' head and ran away while covering his behind with his hands all while giggling madly.

"Alfred, what are you doing now!?" yelled the startled Brit as he leapt into the air. Alfred slowly stirred awake and mumbled something about 5 more minutes. Matthew's eyes popped open and rapidly scanned the room. After assessing the situation he slid into is seat further down and clutched his bear tighter. Feliciano jumped up, yelled "Please don't kill me!" and hid under the table, yelling for Ludwig to please hurry up and save him.

"Ahahaha dude, Artie, you look so old and funny and your eyebrows have like doubled in size. Plus you have a sweet handlebar mustache now. Check it out" Alfred said as he pulled out a conveniently placed mirror from under the table.

"Goodness me!" He grabs the mirror and gasps in shock at his appearance. First he sees the scratchy black mustache doodled on. At least that part he'll be able to get rid of later. The rest not so much as he next notices his wide eyes, which aren't as bright of a green anymore. Slowly his hand goes over his now slightly wrinkled face. Next his fingers travel to his hair, which is shorter and choppier and appears to be a bit unkempt along with being a lighter blonde with silver and white streaks. "Well, you're no better. Take a gander at yourself" he concludes as he shoves the mirror at Alfred.

"Oh my god. My face!" Alfred's usually bright eyes are clouded over to a grayish blue. His face is now sporting a light beard- a natural one- and his hair is longer than usual, along with being thinner and a sun bleached looking blonde. His skin color is a lot tanner than usual and a bit leathered looking. On his feet is a pair of weathered brown leather boots, complete with spurs. He wondered how he got the spurs past England since he had banned him from wearing them to meetings since when Alfred got bored one meeting and started playing footsie with others, resulting in a bunch of temporarily crippled nations. "Did I go become a cowboy or something again?" he says scratching his head in confusion.

"Mattie! Look at you now!" On Mathew the first thing you notice are the huge glasses he's wearing. It's hard to tell if a pair of eyes even exists behind them due to their size and thickness. His hair is also a bit longer and is a silver color. It resembles Francis's hair if he dyed it. To match his gorgeous silver mane is an equally gorgeous pure white long beard. It's very fluffy and tempting to pet. Sort of like if Matt had fluffy white kittens stuck to his face. Who knows-look inside and there might just be one. Matt starts to curiously stroke his possibly kitten riddled beard.

"Eh, what?" he says is a confused daze as he fumbles with the mirror that Alfred shoved into his hands.

"Look in the mirror bro!"

"Oh" He smiles at the mirror timidly, blushes and hands it back to Alfred.

Meanwhile Ludwig tries to convince Feliciano to come out from under the table while poking him with the reclaimed vuvuzela.

"Ah! No way!" Feliciano cries." I'm surrounded by the elderly!" and tries to run off to hide in the cabinets but Ludwig catches him by the back of his shirt.

"Relax, Italy. We're all old for some reason" he says glaring at Gilbert.

"Hey Artie, is this one of your messed up spells again?" Alfred asks trying to come up with an explanation.

"No, I have not cast any spells as of lately. It couldn't have been me. However I do remember making a potion for something like this once. But that was years ago, I don't even remember where I placed it! Probably somewhere in my basement. Hey…, have you been sneaking around my basement again Alfred?! I remember the window screen there being crookedly placed a few days ago" Arthur said accusingly and jabbed his finger into Alfred's now slight gut.

Soon arguing breaks out along with accusations flying around the room.

Growing tired of nobody figuring out it was him and giving credit where it was due Gilbert says "Ok, ok. I admit it. It was my awesome plan to do this"

All eyes went of Gilbert. "But why Prussia?" Arthur asks.

"See, I had been planning an awesome prank for a long time. Then suddenly it hit me. Magic. England's magic is always turning all of us into funny stuff- anything from babies, kids, teens, even girls and cats! But never old people! Plus old people can be very fun to laugh at. That's why my prank is so awesome. Hahaha!" Gilbert boasted proudly.

That shut up everyone in the room. Finally Alfred broke the silence.

"I guess I see where you were going with this Prussia dude, but old people? Really? I mean being kids and cute girls is well, cute and fun. Old men aren't exactly all that adorable and exciting"

"Shut up! You just don't understand it!" Although he did have to mentally agree with him. He wasn't sure where he was going with this except that it seemed like a good idea initially. Actually anything that manages to raise Ludwig's blood pressure seems like a good idea to Gilbert.

Ludwig sighed once again. He was going to start losing his gray hair- spoiler!-still unknown to him at the moment- soon because of his brother. "How long will this last England? Or is there a way to undo it?"

"Can't really undo it now you see. This sort of potion is meant to be temporary and wear off on its own. So I figure in about a week we should all be back to normal"

"Ve~ a week. Oh Germany! I don't want to be old for that long! I need to be pretty again!" Ludwig couldn't help but hold back a smirk at his former allies state. Seeing Feliciano having a breakdown while in the body of a grandfather who was grabbing at his suspenders in despair was quite amusing.

Speaking of prettiness, Ludwig realized he had yet to see what happened to him. Reluctantly he grabbed for the mirror and dared to look. Not as bad as he expected. Except for the pointy devil beard and curly mustache Gilbert had crudely scribbled on. This wasn't the first time he'd woken up with something like this and was really only mad at the fact that Gilbert couldn't' have been more creative this time with his masterpieces. His hair was now gray and still slicked back as always. He noticed he actually needed his glasses now to see everything as opposed to only having to use them occasionally before. They were bigger with navy frames. He hadn't lost all that much muscle tone either. At least he was looking better than Feliciano who for some strange reason had a bowl-like haircut and was wearing maroon and golden striped suspenders which held up his pants that somewhat hid his pudgy-ish middle. It seems all that pasta finally caught up with him. He did however have pretty cute boots, well-polished black ones with stylish golden buckles. He'd bet his last wurst that they were genuine Italian leather too.

"Haha. Sucks for you losers. If it was me I would make the best of my body. Why, I would make the most awesome old person ever! Hahaha! They would even give me a grandfather of the year award. Plus one of those awesome little novelty mugs that says it" Gilbert bragged.

Thinking fast Ludwig replied "Ok. You can be old for a week with us if it's so great. England, can you turn Prussia old too?"

"Not right now. I'd need the potion for it"

"Is there any leftover potion Gilbert?" Ludwig said threatingly as he marched over to Gilbert. Even as an old guy he was still quite intimidating.

"I-I don't have enough of it" he sputtered out and pulled out the vial as proof.

"Then you'll drink whatever's left in here" said Ludwig. Before Gilbert could react Ludwig had pried the vial from his brothers' hands, popped off the cap and had shoved the bottle into Gilbert's mouth. Mostly out of shock Gilbert instinctively swallowed the liquid in his mouth. When he was done he fell on the ground.

"Ah, _scheiße_, that's so fucking disgusting. You're supposed to serve it with water you _blödes arschloch_. I'm gonna be sick now" he said and grabbed his stomach. "That's it Luddy. I'm gonna go puke all over your shoes" threatened Gilbert as he started to crawl towards Ludwig, but collapsed before his feet.

xxxxXXXxxxx

When Gilbert came about he noticed Ludwig staring at him.

"Would you like to see yourself _bruder_" teased Ludwig waving the mirror around. Gil scowled and grabbed at the mirror quickly and furiously.

"Ah! My hair!" His white hair was longer and sticking up in every possible direction and he had some wrinkles around his eyes. "This is so not awesome. I look like a mad scientist. How can I be a silver fox when I have hair like this?" Gilbert exclaimed while pulling his hand through it.

"Cheer up Prussia. You kinda look like that one smart geniusy dude you guys had, you know, Alfred Einstein" Alfred offered.

"Albert Einstein you git!" yelled Arthur and whacked him on the head with his cane.

Thanks to his definitely not genius but probably mad brother Ludwig decided and said "Well, due to circumstances, let's postpone the meeting until next week"

"Yeah, awesome idea West. Come Luddy, let's go do awesome old people stuff. Like wave coupons angrily at the grocery store cashiers" he said while pulling him out of the room, instantly forgetting his anger at his brother.

"Ve~ I want to do fun elderly things too _fratello_. Oh! I know. I have always dreamed of riding a power chair. You know they have one in the lobby downstairs but they would never let me use it since I wasn't old enough or severely out of shape. Come Romano! You can help me drive it!"

"Eh, beats being here with them" Lovino said waving his hand dismissively and walked out.

"C'mon Artie" Alfred said while checking his watch. "It's not noon yet. We can stop by McDonalds and get the senior discount breakfast and coffee"

"Like hell I'm going to go to that establishment with you Alfred. I am going to stop by the grocery store to pick up some fresh tea. I need to relax from all this"

"Ok, we'll stop by McDonalds and then got to the grocery store" Alfred reasoned.

Being now old was making Arthur tired already and he didn't feel like arguing with Alfred at the moment. Giving in Arthur sighed. "Fine, we'll go through the drive thru. There is still no way I'm stepping foot in that place"

"Thanks dude! Let's go" he said and grabbed him, while Arthur tried to ward him off by beating him with his cane again.

It was finally Ivan's turn to sigh. "Well I guess I have to wait week until all can become one" he said and proceeded to leave to. Everyone else followed. Well almost everybody.

A wavy haired silverette stood in the center of the meeting room. Looking around the now empty room and at his pet he asked "Polar bear tell me, where am I? And who am I?"

xxxxXXXxxxx

Translations

_Bruder_: brother

_Oui_: yes

_Mein Gott_: my god

_Scheiße_: shit

_Fratello_: brother

_Blödes arschloch_: stupid asshole

Thanks for reading everybody. So what do you think?

I really don't understand why vuvuzelas were invented. Probably to piss off anyone within the 5 mile radius. At least this way you can keep any unwanted visitors at bay. Try it sometime. After all the only time they're any fun is if you're annoying someone with the sounds xD


	3. Fun with Groceries

We finally get to see some old people action. Yeah! I actually like this chapter so I hope you do too. And as always, thanks for taking the time to read this lovelies

* * *

"Haha. See Luddy. Told you eating that old people cereal would turn you into one someday. Just didn't think it would come so soon" Gil laughed as he leaned on Ludwig. Ludwig frowned and walked away causing for Gil to lose his balance.

"Aw, come on. Don't make that face at me. You look like the raisin on your precious box" sneered Gil as Ludwig chose to continue in ignoring his brother and stare intensely at the products.

"Well, I'm going to go pick out some more awesome cereal" he said and walked down the aisle.

Ludwig went back to pondering the impossible question of whether he should go with one cereal or the other cereal. One was cheaper but it had less. Maybe he could buy two boxes of it… he rubbed his face in thought. "Ouch!" he thought. His face was still sensitive from scrubbing the mustache off that his brother has bestowed upon him earlier. He frowned. While Gil was eating brownies and watching funny videos he used half the soap to try and wash his face. And there was still a shadow left. Anyways, back to the real dilemma here. As Ludwig was doing some quick calculations he was suddenly interrupted.

"Shit West! I can't believe it! I got the octopus."

"What?"

"In the cereal. I got the octopus figurine. It's impossible to find. I need to call Toni so I can tell him to suck it. I told him I'd find it before him. Now I have the whole set. Hahaha"

Knowing it was best not to question what he just heard he responded as calmly as he could.

"You can do that later. For now we have to finish grocery shopping and buy some drinks" Ludwig said leaving Gil standing in the cereal aisle alone.

"Ok!"

At that Gil was left alone in the cereal aisle. "You know for some unexplained reason I have an urge to go buy some butterscotch candy so I can hoard it in my pockets. To the awesome candy aisle!"

Upon arriving at the candy aisle Gil saw Matt standing there, looking very confused.

"Hey Mattie! Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, eh, I'm not sure. I think I came looking for some mothballs to put in my closet"

"That's unawsome. I hate moths. Whenever I try to sleep at night they fly around my nose and make me sneeze. So you got moth problems, huh?"

"I…don't think so"

"So, why are you buying them?"

"Just in case. I might get them later"

"Well Mattie, you'll probably have better luck in a different aisle. This is the candy aisle. No mothballs here"

"Oh, yeah" he said and started to leave. Being the polite Canadian he is he turned around to thank Gil. Unfortunately he couldn't remember his name. "Thanks, uh… Mr. Awesome Man" It's something like that isn't it? Close enough anyways, right?

Upon hearing this Gil got the ego boost he needed. He stood up straighter and puffed his chest out. "Yep! That's me. Mr. Awesome" Gil said and proudly pointed at himself and struck a heroic pose that would make even Alfred jealous. But Gil was the pose master after all. Too bad Luddy didn't take after him.

Matt walked off but hit a display case. "Oomph, sorry ma'am" he apologized and went off, while pushing his huge glasses back on his face.

After wandering aimlessly around the store for a bit Matt somehow magically found him in the cleaning product aisle. He scanned the shelves looking for what he needed.

He finally found the mothballs. He racked his brain which suddenly came up with a useful thought. Mothballs were said to smell strange and he couldn't help but smell them.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Feli and Lovino entered the store. Feli was feeling a bit down since the owners of the building wouldn't let him take the powerchair out of it. They said it was for guests only and guards seized the chair as soon as he tried to ride out on it. Even Lovino had stuck up for him and said how dare they deny Italy himself a powerchair if he wants one. After Feli started to cry Lovino insulted them accordingly and they stormed off. Now they were at the grocery store where Lovino brought Feli so he could buy all the pasta he needed for a night of binge eating that awaited him, as Feli had a habit drowning his sorrows in tomato sauce.

Feli was overjoyed when he found out the grocery store had complimentary power chairs for its customers. While Feli zipped down the aisles looking for his favorite pastas and sauces Lovino headed down to the cleaning aisle. Scrutinizingly he looked at all the detergents and focused on the largest ones. He should get some floor and carpet cleaner while he's at it. Feli was in pretty bad shape today. Last time he had to scrub pasta sauce off the ceiling. Sighing he lifted them into his cart. As he did he noticed someone familiar. Canadia was it? He turned away before Canadia could notice him as he hated talking to anyone more than he had to.

Meanwhile Matt was curiously opening the mothball box and slowly bringing it to his nose. Uh! Those mothballs smelled awful! This was a horrible idea.

Suddenly he felt a tickle in his nose. He felt a building pressure in his nose. Oh no. he was going to sneeze all over the mothballs. Knowing that would be unsanitary not to mention disgusting he held the open box out in his outstretched arms.

"Achoo!" sneezed Matt.

As he sneezed it caused his body to jerk and for the mothballs to fall out and spill and the floor and roll in every direction. "Oops" he whispered.

Suddenly Feli came rolling down the aisles. _"Fratello_!_ Fratello_! Guess what?!"

"Look out _idiota_!" Lovino screamed. The powerchair rolled over the mothballs which were rolling all over the place. Immediately the powerchair was slipping and Feli cried out as he tried to regain control. It was futile however. Next thing he knew he was on his way to crashing into the aisle.

"Feliciano!" yelled Lovino as he rushed over to try and stop the vehicle. That was futile as well. The powerchair was determined to drive straight into the aisle loaded with fabric softeners. Upon contact the pasta sauces in the front basket cracked and their contents flew forward. And onto Lovino.

"I-I-I'm so sorry _fratello_. Please. I-I didn't m-mean it. I swear" Feli stuttered out with tears gathering in his eyes.

Lovino growled. It was way too early to be dripping with tomato sauce.

Even though Matt might have been confused all day he knew when it was time to get the hell out of there. He sprinted off with Kuma hot on his heels.

xxxxXXXxxxx

"I'm telling ya Artie, so far being old is pretty awesome. I got all these coffees for like, free" Alfred said while cradling his 10 coffees in a wire rolling basket. "I wonder if this place offers any senior discounts" he said and sped off with his basket in tow.

Arthur relieved that Alfred had something to occupy himself with went off to do some shopping of his own. He soon found something that caught his eye. A sale on liver. How marvelous. He could now make his famous liver and onions, a classic English dish. He walked over to freezers in search of the perfect liver.

He selected the first one. Hmm, doesn't look very fresh. He looked at the next one. This one's good he thought. No wait, it got some weird sort if spots on it. Rejected. He dug through the bin of livers.

Finally. He came across the perfect one. All nice, red, bloody and juicy looking. All indications of a fresh liver. Now to find some beautiful red onions to go with it. Just as he was about to leave it appears luck was on his side. A grocery boy came with a cart full of livers. Onions be damned. He had more livers to plow through.

xxxxXXXxxxx

"West. What the hell. I thought you were taking care of the drinks" Gil said pointing at the alcohol deficient shopping cart.

"I did Gilbert"

"All I see in here is an ass ton of prune juice. Ah, Luddy. You really have gone old. Don't worry. You're awesome bother is here to save you" he said as he jumped on the front of the shopping cart. He started to push off with his legs and soon gained momentum. Soon he had enough speed and jumped on the speeding cart.

"Gil! Where do you think you're going?" Ludwig demanded.

"To get the beer!" Gil cried as he sailed down the aisles on the rickety cart.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Alfred wandered the store, scouring for any senior deals he could score. So far all of them were sucking. He couldn't imagine needing any of these things. Finally, something useful. Half price baloney for seniors on Mondays. Imagine all the sandwiches he could make. Which he would need since he was spending the week at Arthurs. He didn't know what Arthur was making for dinner tonight but baloney sandwiches sounded delicious next to whatever he created.

He walked to the deli, got a ticket and waited for his turn. When he was called he went up to order. After he bought his baloney the sales girl asked if he needed anything else.

"Yes. I actually do. I would like to complain actually. See, I believe you have the senior market audience targeted wrong. I don't know what seniors would need pill boxes and pie crusts for, but I do know what I would use"

"Oh, and what is that?" she asked politely.

"Coke. And marshmallows. You put a senior discount on those items and you'll have seniors flocking to this place'' Alfred said while gesturing with his arms what apparently a hoard of flocking seniors would look like.

"Oh, I see. I can't do much about that however. You would need to speak with the manager of the store"

"Ok! Where are they?"

"Last door at the end of the aisles by the pharmacy" she directed.

"Thanks dude!" Alfred said and started to power walk away confidently.

"Wait sir, don't forget your baloney!" she yelled after Al.

"Oh, right" He couldn't forget that. No baloney meant he'd have to go to bed hungry tonight!

After happily presenting his ideas to the manager for half an hour Alfred walked away with a coupon for 10 bucks off your next purchase. He was proud of how his performance went. He was very convincing and made sure to back up his points with lots of great reasons. This idea was almost as great as the one when he convinced his boss to get soda instead of water in the water dispenser in the White House. Coupon for 10 bucks off proudly held in his hands he walked off to find Arthur so he could brag about how he saved the locals seniors from boring and useless deals and how he scored yet another totally sweet deal. He was on a roll today!

Back in the office the manager sighed and rubbed her temples. This was one strange old guy she just encountered. She was just thankful she got rid of him with that 10 buck coupon. However it wasn't the first time something like this happened strangely. She just hoped the enthusiastic cowboy was happily buying whatever he needed while she could get back to her manicure.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Alfred's happily walking along the store when he spots a strange sight. An overflowing shopping cart filled with some sort of meat trays, the meat trays on the floor, and flying through the air while an elderly Arthur is leaning against the freezer and peering in and moving around a lot.

"Hey dude, whatch ya doing with your head stuck in there?" Alfred asks cheerily while poking his head in the freezer too.

"Back off my livers fool!" threatened Arthur as he popped out of the freezer and started waving his cane around.

"Whoa, chill dude. I just came to see if you're done yet"

"Oh, yes" he said and straightened his suit.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Feli was singing some classic Italian song while plowing ahead on his powerchair.

Lovino was walking beside him angrily and still covered in sauce and holding additional laundry detergent. He just wanted to the home and clean off.

"For the love of god, will you shut the fuck up already. Save that shit for the shower"

"Ah, but _fratello_ I was just getting to the good part"

"There is no good part when you sing it, dammit. You sound like that potato- fucking bastards' brother when he's drunk"

"Oh" sighed a disappointed Feli.

Speaking of drunk Germans there were two standing right in front of them. Well, not drunk at the moment. Although it is hard to tell with those two.

"Gil! What the hell did you do to our cart!" cried Ludwig.

"Restocked it with awesomeness!" cackled Gil and patted the beer cases fondly.

"Where is our food you _dummkopf_ ?"

"Eh, I took some out. Had to make room for the beer. Don't worry though. We still have the essentials" he said. "See I saved your precious prune juice and box of boring-o-oats and my awesome cereal. Plus there's still some wurst, bread and cheese left in here somewhere…." he said looking at the cart from every angle.

"_Mein Gott_!" suddenly yelled Gil.

"Look. Free samples" he said and rushed over to the little table. There there were lots of tiny adorable slices of assorted pies, along with tiny adorable little spoons to eat them with. Gil lunged for the table and grabbed one of each flavor. Immediately he popped a bite.

"Luddy. You have to try one. They're so awesomely delicious! he yelled and raced over back to his brother.

"Eh…"

Gil took a mini spoonful of pie and shoved it in Ludwig's mouth.

"Mmm, this is pretty good" Ludwig agreed while chewing.

"I just got another genius idea!" he yelled. "Forget buying food, we're gonna stock up on free samples!" Gil cackled and stole a whole tray of adorable pie samples he said as he shoved it under the cart and onto the metal shelf underneath it. He quickly ran back for a second tray and started shoving it too.

"Gil. Stop that, what do you think you're doing?"

Gil froze with the tray second tray halfway in.

"Don't you want dinner too _bruder_?" he asked.

Ludwig sighed.

Suddenly Alfred came rushing in. "Look Artie! Free food! This day can't get any better!" he said and rushed up towards the table covered with adorable little foods.

"Sho gwuud" Alfred said with his mouth filled with pies.

Matt wandered by and realized there was apparently free food today the store. "How generous of them" he thought and slipped in unnoticed past the two pie obsessed men who were busy stuffing themselves with it.

'Mmm, this is yummy' he thought and reached for a second slice.

Kuma managed to climb atop the table too and started eating a piece.

Meanwhile the Italian brothers stared.

"Let's go Feli. We didn't come here to see the fucking circus" he proclaimed and jumped in next to his brother on his powerchair.

They rode off into the sunset. Actually it was just a dim aisle where the row of fluorescent lights happened to be burning out.

xxxxXXXxxxx

Translations

_Fratello_: brother

_Idiota_: idiot

_Dummkopf: _stupid

_Mein Gott_: my god

_Bruder_: brother

I am channeling myself when writing Gil with the free pies. Best thing ever when you go in hungry only to find out there's freakin free samples. Even better when there's no judgmental employee there to guard them


End file.
